This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
