Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
