My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
