just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
