I hate all girls vehemently.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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