he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
did i just pee glitter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
