Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
