Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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