well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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