you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
