remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
