I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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