i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
