I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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