This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
