I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize