margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
