The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
