There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
