She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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