i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
