Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
