I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
