we have officially lost it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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