I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize