My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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