mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
