ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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