Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
