I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
