i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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