You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
