My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
