She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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