My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
