waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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