it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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