The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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