The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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