well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
