thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do herpes really smell.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
