thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
