1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My bed smells like the plague
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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