whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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