Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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