I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
