I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
