last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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