Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
