Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
