Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
