Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
