when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
