i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
