On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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