she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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