i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
