He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
