We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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