dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
