So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
