Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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