Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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